Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Onset Offset

Well, I’ve been feeling the winter blues creep into my life these last couple of weeks.  I feel “off,” my brain function is diminished (thoughts feel sluggish and multi-tasking is difficult), and I find myself down and snappish.  It was discouraging for the first week, as I had hoped that the medication I’ve been taking faithfully for the last eight months would be enough to stave off these very winter blues.  Then, after about a week, the thought occurred to me “the medication is not the only trick up my sleeve!  I LEARNED wonderful new things.  I guess it is time to start using them again.”  And I did, and I’ve generally felt very much happier!
What I learned and am putting into practice is mindfulness, creating space and stillness for myself, accepting myself as I am, moving to the right in my brain (right hemisphere), and accepting this winter slowing of my brain as part of the natural (even healthy) rhythm of my life.  I don’t mind going a little slower and focusing on one thing at a time.  In fact, it is kind of nice.  Instead of expecting high productivity from myself and others, I am savoring moments and mindful of the beautiful people and things in my life.  I’m wanting to write reflectively again and focus on what is within a little more.  Instead of being impatient with myself and the children, I feel accepting, quiet, and happier.  It is a conscious choice I have to make (sometimes again and again) to get into that right-brained frame of mind, but once I am there, it feels great!  So, what I learned last year has allowed me to offset the onset of the winter blues.  Hurray!
Here are some moments I’ve enjoyed lately, being in this frame of mind:
-Helping Carol wash the pots without getting frustrated, and instead enjoying with her the patterns of the bubbles she was creating and gently and quietly suggesting effective ways for rinsing.
-Sitting with Ethan on the floor in a patch of sunlight and watching the dust move through the air, illuminated by the sun.  It was beautiful—like watching marine snow move through water or stars through the immensity of space.
-Holding hands with Dorothea and skipping back to the car after picking her up from school.
-Building train tracks with Isaac for his new electric Thomas.
-Just feeling like I don’t have to stress about things, because they will work out.