Onset Offset

Well, I’ve been feeling the winter blues creep into my life these last couple of weeks.  I feel “off,” my brain function is diminished (thoughts feel sluggish and multi-tasking is difficult), and I find myself down and snappish.  It was discouraging for the first week, as I had hoped that the medication I’ve been taking faithfully for the last eight months would be enough to stave off these very winter blues.  Then, after about a week, the thought occurred to me “the medication is not the only trick up my sleeve!  I LEARNED wonderful new things.  I guess it is time to start using them again.”  And I did, and I’ve generally felt very much happier!

What I learned and am putting into practice is mindfulness, creating space and stillness for myself, accepting myself as I am, moving to the right in my brain (right hemisphere), and accepting this winter slowing of my brain as part of the natural (even healthy) rhythm of my life.  I don’t mind going a little slower and focusing on one thing at a time.  In fact, it is kind of nice.  Instead of expecting high productivity from myself and others, I am savoring moments and mindful of the beautiful people and things in my life.  I’m wanting to write reflectively again and focus on what is within a little more.  Instead of being impatient with myself and the children, I feel accepting, quiet, and happier.  It is a conscious choice I have to make (sometimes again and again) to get into that right-brained frame of mind, but once I am there, it feels great!  So, what I learned last year has allowed me to offset the onset of the winter blues.  Hurray!

Here are some moments I’ve enjoyed lately, being in this frame of mind:

-Helping Carol wash the pots without getting frustrated, and instead enjoying with her the patterns of the bubbles she was creating and gently and quietly suggesting effective ways for rinsing.

-Sitting with Ethan on the floor in a patch of sunlight and watching the dust move through the air, illuminated by the sun.  It was beautiful—like watching marine snow move through water or stars through the immensity of space.

-Holding hands with Dorothea and skipping back to the car after picking her up from school.

-Building train tracks with Isaac for his new electric Thomas.

-Just feeling like I don’t have to stress about things, because they will work out.

Zoloft

I think taking zoloft for me has been like taking tylenol.  Before, my brain/emotions were such that I was constantly in emotional pain.  Little things pained me, like not getting "everything" done, or being late to something (inconsequential) or having little aspects of my day not come together as I'd imagined.  It was hard because I knew cognitively that those things were not important, and there wasn't a cause for sorrow or anguish or major frustration, but I felt those things nonetheless.  It was like I couldn't get my feelings to correspond to my cognitive understandings.  My feelings were so very poignant (painfully so) about even the least little things.  It made it hard to function--being in almost constant emotional pain.  It was like trying to function with chronic physical pain--it was debilitating.

Zoloft has been like taking tylenol.  It eases the pain noticeably.  For the first time in as long as I can remember I feel like my feelings match my cognitive understandings.  Like tylenol, it dulls the pain without dulling my brain or my other senses.  Zoloft isn't like a heavy-duty narcotic pain-killer, for me at least.  I feel more myself, more able to function, happier, healthier, more normal.  I feel more like myself than ever, because my feelings and thoughts match.  It is wonderful and I am so very grateful for it!

Arranged

Just watched the movie "Arranged" on netflix and really enjoyed it.  I wished I could be friends with Rochel and Nasira and appreciated the beauty of culture and religion that provides a structure in which we are safe.  The devil has perverted our society in so many ways now that some of the most soul-killing things are mainstream and expected.  We are expected to hurt ourselves and be happy about it.  It is sad and wrong.  There is more and more tolerance for all the evil, but less and less tolerance for the commandments/structure/rules that would keep us safe.

I am so grateful for the commandments which have kept me safe.  Life is difficult and I'm afraid I'd have been blown away if not for the firm foundation on which I'm built.  It was hard to keep going even with the foundation.   Luckily, because of that foundation, I was able to see where the wind was blowing me hardest--where it was coming in at the chinks, buffeting the walls and roof, etc.  I could see where I needed reinforcement, and I got it. Now I feel better than I ever have before.  My testimony of the strength and importance of the foundation is deeper and stronger.  My house is sturdier and more comfortable.  My life is happy.

Fasting

Today
I hungered
and felt the strength
of weakness.

Empty, I actuated
the dichotomy
of my soul's duality,
and determined (divined)
dominion;
my body lay languid
while my spirit lept, liberated.

Here is the power
to transcend the temporal,
to divine the divine,
to find strength
at its source,
sweet and
solid (sound, satisfying).

In the quietude
of honored hunger
the gentle vibrations of spirit
sing freely!

The Power of Family

Just wrote this.  Thought I'd share:

The Power of Family

The whole concept of family seems to be increasingly elusive these days.  Over a decade ago as I sat in a college class, my professor admitted that even though we were to be studying families, we didn’t have a good definition of what a family is.  Since the industrial revolution, the societal forces tearing families apart have multiplied.  Then, parents and children went away to work in factories rather than working together on a family farm or trade.  Laws were put into place to protect children from factory work but nothing protected them from the effects of having absentee parents.  Now, the idea of an intact, two-parent family with children seems almost quaint.  A majority of kids grow up without daily interaction with two parents.   Even so, families are not a lost cause—they can’t be.  Though families are increasingly marginalized in our media and culture, the family is still the single most powerful influence on any individual, and the basic building block of society.  It is only through empowering families that we can empower individuals, communities and societies to work towards peace, progress and unity.  As women we must re-dedicate ourselves to the task of shaping, strengthening and sustaining our families, for therein is the power to change individuals, communities and nations.

The need to be purposeful in choosing which influences direct our families is more important than ever.  As natural and man-made disasters unfold around us, as media becomes increasingly ubiquitous, as pressures on the family increase daily, we must act to share our knowledge and impart our values within our families.  As women, as mothers, step-mothers, aunts, grandmothers, sisters and girlfriends, we have the power to shape the minds and hearts of those around us, if we are willing to make the effort to use it.  In the many familial roles that we hold as women, our dedication to and love for other members of our family open them to our influence.  As we nurture the individuals in our family by appreciating them, demonstrating our commitment to them and the family, spending time together and communicating positively, we are laying a foundation for our ability to shape the family and the individuals therein. 

There are many levels on which our families need our shaping influence.  Everything, from how we respond to disasters to the food we choose to eat, bares consideration and cultivation on our part.  Without a firm, guiding force, families and individuals are subject to the chaos of whatever external forces may act on them.  With an unwavering woman at its heart, a family can brave those forces and emerge strong and undaunted.  Strong, purposeful families create strong, purposeful communities and societies.  Even in the midst of the harshest societal influences—war and poverty, intolerance and oppression, we can shape the attitudes and understandings that our families have about those influences.  Are we victims or actors?  Even if we cannot change the circumstance, we can always choose what is in our hearts, and teach those in our family to have hearts of peace, progress and unity.  As the most stable element of a family, we women have the responsibility to shape the family and thereby influence individuals, communities and nations. 

For the power of a family to be felt in the social and emotional climate of our generation, the family must be strong and stalwart.  Conscious and continuous effort must be exerted to create a strong family.  Principles such as spending time together in work and play, creating family traditions or habits, forgiveness, generosity and kindness must be exemplified and nurtured.  As women, it often falls to us to create the culture in our families that will magnify its strength.  Exerting the energy to strengthen our families may seem especially challenging in the face of all the other work we do.  It is important, though.  It is essential.  As social creatures we need to be part of something that is more than ourselves.  If we, by inaction, allow the disintegrating forces of the world to tear apart our families the potential power of the family will be lost as well. 

Strengthening our families is a choice we make moment by moment and day by day.  Family must be our priority, even in the face of the vast array of demands that beset us daily.  In spending the time to work together, to play together, to notice and appreciate each other, we are engaged in an essential service.  We must slow down, sometimes, to savor the moment or share the tears.  We may consult together and create routines and traditions which bring individuals together in a shared purpose.  In the fast-paced lifestyles so many of us live, it is hard to value an effort which produces no obvious or immediate outcome.  The outcomes of families may take decades to be manifest, but they are made in the moment.   We as women must empower our families by strengthening them.  In creating a strong family, we offer protection from the chaotic forces of the world and a place where individuals can be shaped and supported.

The potential power of strong, purposeful families to support individuals, communities and nations in reaching their goals and fulfilling their ideals is boundless.   The family is the ideal environment for individual growth and progress and is the perfect building block for strong, stable nations as well.  In a stable family setting, we can nurture individual needs and attend to and celebrate differences.  The small, moment to moment support we offer those in our families may change the course of their lives and the destiny of nations.  The intimacy and cohesiveness of a family adds to the meaningfulness of their interactions.  What we do to support our families matters.  When we create a consistent foundation of support, we are enabling greatness. 

We live in a busy world and many of us have busy lives, full of work we find important.  There is no work we can do, however, which will be more meaningful or have farther reaching consequences than the work we do in our families.  It is in families that the lives of individuals are created and shaped.  It is in families that the power to influence generations is harnessed.  It is families that are the building blocks of society.  Though there may be no good definition of what a family is in academia, we all know who we consider family.  As women, and the cohesive bond in these often tentative groups of individuals, we can and must work to shape, strengthen and support our families.  The power of family is in its ability to influence and encourage, shape and support, teach and try the individuals who make it up.  As we dedicate ourselves to prioritizing our families, we will find that not only have we empowered others, we have been empowered ourselves. 

Tribulation, Patience, Experience, Hope, and back to normal life!

I read Romans 5:3-5 this morning and was touched by the clear exposition it offers of what I learned in the last 2 or three years:

 3And not only so, but we glory in ^atribulations also: knowing that^btribulation worketh ^cpatience;

 4And patience, experience; and experience, hope:

 5And ^ahope maketh not ashamed; because the ^blove of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.

This scripture outlines my Spiritual experience with the difficulties of the last several years so beautifully!  In the midst of the tribulation (a year with the Bernards, Isaac’s medical issues, depression), I gained patience.  In the hardest moments, I felt the Lord's love more powerfully than ever, and came to know and trust in his timing.  Then, with that patience in my heart, I was able to learn from the situation, to see it clearly (both the divine and evil) and gain experience.  And as I gained experience in life, in tribulation, and in the Lord's continued presence and guiding of things, I gained hope.  I felt that all things could work together for my good, and that the Lord was mindful of me.  Even in the darkness, I knew the love of God, and felt to praise Him.   Hope, and an understanding of what hope really is grew in my heart.  Hope is the feeling (gained by experience) that inspires me to act in faith.  I am grateful for those "tribulations."  

I am also very grateful for this time of few tribulations!  The depression is lifting (lifted?) and I am feeling like myself again.  Oh what a joy that is.  I have more respect for the fact that the Lord has it in his power to totally incapacitate me, and therefore more gratitude for having the use of all my faculties, and just feeling good!  On Monday, in fact, I had a slow day--Isaac was grumpy and clingy for no apparent reason--and though I didn't accomplish much that could be seen, I didn't feel guilty, depressed or dissatisfied.  My feelings actually matched what I "knew" (it is okay to have off-days, and my worth is not dictated by productivity.)  Hooray!  I think a variety of factors have combined to bring this about--Spring/Summer is here! the medication seems to be working!  I've had great counseling sessions and have a much clearer picture of what is going on in my head and how to influence it.  I grateful to feel up to getting back into the swing of things.  The kids will get out of school soon, and summer will be busy, but lots of fun.

Coming together

One of my most frequent prayers over the last many years has been that the Lord will help me to be a better mom.  As I have been struggling with depression, my pain has been compounded because the very symptoms of depression (irritability, impatience, lack of energy, unhappiness, inability to think clearly or enjoy life) are the essence of bad mothering in my mind.  The feelings of worthlessness spiral ever downward as I struggle against myself.  It has been hard to feel like I am a worse mother than I was years ago. 

Nevertheless, as I have now been emerging from depression, I have begun to sense, to hope, that the shaping that this long trial has made to my character will truly help me to be a better mother.  Here are some of the things that I have learned and felt changing within myself::

1. The ability to rest, relax and recognize good in activities that are not productive or work-oriented.

2. A shift towards left-brain--living in the moment, being aware of what IS without judging it, enjoying the love and energy of the people around me, living serendipitously, becoming as a little child.

3. Recognizing that the Lord's expectations of me are perfect, and if I go to Him for direction, He will give me His errands to do, and they will be do-able.  I can leave my long, long list of what I "should" do or be or feel, or how things "should" be behind.  I can stop trusting in the arm of man (mine) to tell me what is important and look to the Lord instead of looking beyond the mark.

4. My value comes from what lies within.  The Lord is shaping me from within--cultivating my attributes, creating a work of beauty and carefully honed tool.  What I accomplish now does not define my worth.  He will school me so that I will be ready to do His work when He is ready.

5. My kids survived my depression and still love and want and value me.  The Lord can heal them.

6.  Being aware of my feelings and their accompanying sensations will help me choose and gain control over my thoughts.  I can choose and cultivate thought patterns and forge new connections and diminish others.  Understanding better what is going on in my brain helps me gain power over it.  (Though having medicinal help may continue to be important.)

7. Getting and giving validation is hugely important for my own and others' emotional health.  I can teach my children to recognize and validate their feeings, and that behavior must still be controlled/regulated.  (I wish I'd learned that as a child!)

I am grateful for these lessons, and have had a happy mothering week.  Today for Mother's day, I felt satisfied with my efforts as a mother instead of discouraged about what I am not doing.  What a blessing!

Dolce fa' niente

     In my meeting with Dr. McKenna today, she talked with me about what depression might do for me—does it actually fulfill any needs?  She asked if I felt like Sam would only listen to me when I was “sick”, or if somehow being “sick” gave me permission to take a much, much needed break, (I don’t know that I have felt like depression “gives me permission” because I feel terrible about the down time, but I do really  need down time, and don’t seem to take it unless I am forced to by a weak mind/mental illness.)  She asked if it would be possible to give myself down time—time to rejuvenate, to write, to think and see and appreciate and live in the moment—without being depressed.  She is a master of questions like that—questions that have a fairly obvious answer, but which I have never considered before.  I brought up having watched “Eat, Pray, Love”, and the Italian culture where “dolce fa’niente” is an acceptable, normal part of life.  In American society, the sweetness of doing nothing is considered laziness.  Productivity is a must, all the time.  It is hard for me to get away from that understanding.  Dr. McKenna brought up again that from my writing, before we even met, she was aware that I have very good, healthy understandings and ideas.  What she has seen is that there is a disconnect, somewhere, so that I have a hard time implementing and really believing or doing what I know cognitively.  I think it goes against years of culturally ingrained ideas to appreciate “dulce fa’ niente.” 

     I would certainly rather work that down time, the rejuvenation, into my everyday life than have it sort of forced upon me by the depression that comes when I get overwhelmed and stuck.  In the former case, I can really enjoy and appreciate the down time.  In the latter, it comes with a lot of pain and misery.  Anyway, I don’t know at this point if I can really, fully escape having depression again.  Catching it early is important.  Last time, I couldn’t come up with early warning signs—all the symptoms I could list were full blown depression.  However, since then, I’ve figured some out: feeling overwhelmed and anxious, feeling stuck or in a “funk,” not wanting to do things I usually enjoy.  When those surface I need to immediately boost myself up with social time, get help quickly to lighten my load, make sure I am enjoying “dolce fa’ niente” time, and carefully check my thoughts for negative patterns, etc.  Being in the hospital with Isaac for a few days quickly brought those feelings on.  Having Sam take over for a night and day made sooo much difference.  Being able to get away, get a clearer perspective, etc, calmed my anxiety and cleared my mind. 

     Dr. McKenna also talked about how gratitude is absolutely essential to happiness, and encouraged me to write down several things a day that I am grateful for—particularly things from that day—moments of beauty, joy, or whatever.  She said recording and keeping those fleeting moments of beauty can be like picking up pennies and putting them in a piggy bank.  We adults tend not to care about a penny, and let it lie, unappreciated.  Same with a brief moment of beauty or fun or happiness.  But simply making the mental decision to appreciate and collect them can soon give you a bank full of joy to draw on and savor.  I told her that my mind tends towards the negative, and if I let my mind wander I soon discover I am pondering one of the many horrible ways my children might die.  It almost never wanders toward beauty, joy, or positive things.  Yet, there is so much beauty around me.  Especially now in the spring, I see and appreciate it every time I go outside.  Now I just need to actually “collect” it by writing it down.

     As I was feeling more up than before, I mentioned that with those happier, more energetic feelings I was considering how I could be a better steward of all that I have been given.  I told her I want to do better about dressing the kids nicely, washing the car and keeping it cleaner inside, working on the yard and stuff like that.  "Why?" she said, urging me to examine my priorities and make decisions about how I spend my time and energy  based on what is most important to me (not what my neighbors might think, or whatever.)  If having a cleaner car is most important to me, and makes me happy, then by all means act on it.  However, if it is just one more thing to add to a to-do list that I feel like I "should" do now that I have more energy, it might be wise to reconsider.  She reminded me that we often feel like others notice us more than they actually do.  People tend to be more focused on themselves and their own issues than on others'.  I believe that, and seldom make decisions based on what someone else might think (hence my car seldom getting washed, my children sometimes going to school without their hair brushed, and me not being the height of fashion).  Still, I would like to be a good steward of myself and what I have been given as much as I am able.  I would feel more confident if I attended to my appearance more.  

     Anyway, it was a great opportunity to talk!  

A Seed of Corn Falling

When I was in Mexico for the summer, back in 1999, I enjoyed the daily life there, and getting to learn and participate in some of the tasks.  I got to learn how to make masa (corn dough) and tortillas, how to desgranar (de-grain) the corn cobs, and finally how to plant the corn.  As I was working with a family in one of their small lots, sowing corn, the mother of the family laughed at my interest in the task and prodded me "Andas chillando." (You're miserable doing this.)  "No," I replied. "Estoy contenta."  Then, voicing my thoughts, I suppose, I added, "Es el maiz que llora.  Cae como lagrimas de oro.  Pero, son lagrimas de gozo, porque sabe que solo por caer, pueda alzarse."  (I'm sure my grammar was that bad, and worse.)  The woman looked at me (perhaps trying to figure out what I was trying to say), and puzzled a bit.  I don't think many rancheras come up with poetry off the top of their head as they are sowing.  At least, I never heard any.  It makes me laugh to think what she must have thought of me.

Today as I was reading the scriptures, in John, I discovered that Christ made a similar metaphor as he was pondering the atonement.  He said "except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die it bringeth forth much fruit."  This weekend I have been pondering about my lot in life.  I read a book "Washington's Lady" (by a Christian author, and it was painfully poor writing) about Martha Washington, and thought about how much she had to do without her husband.  I wondered if I will often have to do without Sam. If that is what is required, I'm sure I can do it, but I'd like to know, so I'm prepared.  And if Sam will be off being a hero and making amazing things happen, what will my lot be at home?  I have dreams yet, and hopes and goals, and sitting at home and dutifully waiting for him to appear, whenever he will, does not settle with me.  What does it mean "whosoever will save his life shall lose it; and whosoever will lose his life, for my sake, shall find it."

I once thought that meant losing myself in motherhood--in being more concerned with the care of my family than myself as an individual.  I created a dialectic of individuality and community and felt community was "right" and should win.  Now I don't feel that way.  I understand better that individuality does not oppose community, or vice versa, and both are essential for the well-being of the other.  As I read and pondered in John, and then in Mosiah 6, I thought about how losing one's life means seeking the will of the Lord rather than one's own will--taking his name upon us and such.  I thought about the story in the April 2011 conference, about the bush that got trimmed down to size by the farmer, and how much it resented having its  tall growth removed.  But it was the farmer's goal magnify the bush's being--to make it what it really was.  I felt cut down upon being a mother.  My beautiful tall growth of scholar, contributer, productive, intelligent person were all trimmed away, and it hurt my pride!  But my heart was still there, the essence of what I was, and after a time, I started growing again, and taking the essential me-ness that had grown into those things and putting that energy and those qualities into other things.  I flowered (with children and knowledge and experience) as an overgrown bush doesn't.  My energy went into things closer to home.  I filled out instead of shooting upwards.

A seed doesn't really "die" when it is dropped into the earth, if planted in good ground.  But it does have to give up being what it is--a self-contained packet of possibility, "abid[ing] alone"--in order to "bring forth much fruit."   God doesn't want us to give up who we truly are--our innate being and potential--he just wants us to magnify it.  He doesn't ask the corn seed to grow into a rose bush, just from a corn kernel to a corn stalk.  He will lead us in that change, because he knows how to make the change, if we will follow him.

So, I am willing to follow Him.  I don't know fully what I am yet, I realize, or what he wants me to become.  And he does give me choices about which way I'd like to grow, and he leads me, too.  It has been hard, this last year, to feel buried.  I would like to grow.  I would like to weep tears of joy and be fruitful.

Stop "Shoulding"

This morning I reflected on my tendency to "should" myself, as Dr. McKenna said.  There was conflict in my mind about stopping the shoulds, because surely there ARE things that I "should" do.  How can I reconcile commandments with not "shoulding?"  After pondering for a while, pieces began to come together.  I wrote myself a list:

1. When you start using "should" in self-talk, about yourself, someone else, or the situation you are in, STOP!
2. Instead of assuming you know what "should" be, ask God what He wants for/of the situation or yourself. (Sometimes it will be my choice--there are many right possibilities.  Then decide what I want, given what is, and make it happen.)
3. Pray, ponder, gain strength from knowing his will.
* The Lord's expectations of me are perfectly realistic, gentle, loving, and often far different from my own.
* When I "should" myself, others, or the situation, I am often assuming that my will is the Lords will, or that I know the Lord's will intuitively without having to ask.  As if.
* I've never, in prayer, felt that the Lord desires or requires of me anything that is unmanageable.  When I go to Him and seek His will, he also gives the courage/strength/desire to do it.  When I present my day to him, and ask what he would like done with it, I am often surprised by how easy, gentle, and manageable his desires are.  Sometimes it is as simple as "do what will make you happy," or "enjoy your children."

As Dr. McKenna pointed out, when I use "should" in self talk, about myself or the situation, I am making a judgement of right/wrong, and consequently feel tense and unhappy, because things are "wrong" or "bad."  Actually, they just are, and if I see simply that they are, it is freeing! I determine what the Lord wants, sometimes, and usually what I want, and that is more helpful.  Deciding what I want doesn't make a judgement call.  It is more flexible.  I realize that others sometimes want something that is not what I want, and neither desire is wrong.  My way is not right, and theirs wrong.

I believe that the point of the commandments and gospel that God has given us is to help us be happy in this difficult trial of life.  He said "judge not that ye be not judged."  When I judge (by "shoulding") myself, the situation, others, etc., it leads to unhappiness.  I've long recognized that in judging others and situations, we are going to get the mental habit of judging ourselves, too, and that is miserable.  It will eventually be our judgement of ourselves (where we feel comfortable) that determines where we go in eternity, so it is good to be accepting of things (and ourselves!) as much as possible.

The story of Mary and Martha also struck me as extremely pertinent as i consider these things:

38 ¶Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named ^aMartha received him into her house.

 39 And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus’ feet,and heard his word.

 40 But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came tohim, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.

 41 And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art ^acareful and troubled about many things:

 42 But one thing is needful: and Mary hath ^achosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

Doubtless, Martha wanted everything to be perfect when she received Jesus into her home.  She had expectations for the cleaning, the food preparation, etc., etc., if she was anything like me.  And so, trying to fulfill all of her expectations about how she would receive the Lord, she was "cumbered about much serving."  She must have been feeling stressed and unhappy when she went to Jesus and asked him to bid Mary to help her.  Her expectations weren't being met, she was failing as a hostess!  Jesus recognized this immediately, and called it out.  He said she was "careful and troubled" or worried and unhappy about many things (all her expectations of herself, of the situation and of Mary).  As it turned out, though, and as Jesus told her, all her "shoulds" were unneccessary.  Only "one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her."  The one thing that Mary was doing--the one important, necessary thing--the thing that Jesus wanted from both of them--was simply that they come to him and learn of Him and listen to Him.  All of Martha's expectations, preparations and worries were not required of the Lord.  He had not given her those "shoulds," she had, and was not the better for it.  The simple act of sitting at the Savior's feet, however, was all that Mary was doing, and all that needed to be done, and she was the better and happier for it.

If I can recognize the "should's" that I give myself, and which make me unhappy, and then stop "shoulding" myself, and instead discover the will of the Lord, or pursue my own desires for happiness, I believe I will be much happier.  The Lord doesn't give busy work, he gives us the work of life, and love and joy.

Another scripture fits this learning very well, also.  It is Matthew 11: 28-30: Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

 29Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

 30For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

The yoke I give myself is heavy, because it is full of "shoulds."  If I will take His yoke, though, meaning that I do his will, and accept the load he would give me instead of the one I make for myself, I will have rest and my burden will be light.