Making the Shift

Vacation is over.  I am so sad to let it go.  This vacation has been more of a vacation than I remember having had in a long time.  Over the last week I felt myself let go of so much stress--I relaxed!  I slept in, and watched movies and wasn't a stickler for bedtime or dinner time or anything.  I was able to shed the up-tightness that has been an ever-present part of my personality and life for as long as I can remember.  It felt wonderful to have Sam's family over and simply enjoy playing and cooking and talking instead of worrying that dinner wouldn't be ready until 9pm at this rate (we ended up changing plans and getting dinner on at 7:30pm-hah!) or that the kids wouldn't get enough sleep and would be miserable the next day.  It was so nice to just enjoy the people around me and their energy and such.  It was fun to have a party every night.  It was great not to make judgements about what was acceptable in terms of timing and activities just enjoy.  Usually I have such a small realm of what I feel comfortable with and accepting of and what I consider fun--that is not fun, and I really liked having it be otherwise.

So, the thought of going back to schedules, to having to deal with "late" and "too much/too little" and jumping through the hoops of society and life was totally unpleasant.  We did it, though, and the kids arrived at school on time, having been given breakfast (not that it was eaten) and a lunch, and being appropriately clothed.  And then I took Isaac to the doctor and then took Dorothea and Isaac to Creation Corner (the Mom's Day Out program.)  All by 10 am.  There were days last week when I wasn't out of bed by 10am.  Anyway. . .

As I exercised this morning, I listened to a book on tape that my mom suggested--My Stroke of Insight.  I've really been enjoying it, and this morning I listened to chapters 15 and 16 in which she describes the characteristic thought /feeling patterns that go with each side of the brain.  I realized I've been in my right hemisphere this last week--living in the moment, feeling at one with the world and not making judgements about right/wrong, good/bad, or feeling the pressure of any kind of schedule.  It has been wonderful.  The left brain is the time keeper, the comparison maker, the judge, the verbal expositor, etc.  It made me wonder if I could keep up the experience in a non-vacation time, at least to an extent.  Could I turn off the "judge" and just enjoy things more?  On the other hand, I know the Lord gave us both parts of our brain for a reason, and if we don't use our left brain to regulate our right brain, nothing would get done and decisions would be made simply by what feels good in the moment, so trouble would arise pretty quickly.  Commandments are left-brained things, I believe, and love is right-brained.  I would love to learn better how to activate each appropriately, so my "judge" doesn't speak up when it is unwanted, but my holistic, peaceful, loving side doesn't get lost in the universe, either.  I want to be productive (left brained) but also feel connected (right brained.)  

It truly is amazing to me to learn more about how the Lord created us in a way that allows so many types of experiences and requires control of ourselves and our thoughts.  What was going on  (in my brain) when I was depressed, I wonder?  I couldn't think linearly or multi-task at all (left brain) and making decisions was exceptionally difficult, as all options felt bad. I was stuck in this diffuse, negatively-charged darkness.  What was going on in my brain?  How did sleep and exercise and writing and such change it?  

Anyway, I am sorry to make the shift out of vacation mode, but I was grateful to have the experience.  Surely I can learn to integrate those hemispheres better, and have a more enjoyable life all around!?

p.s. I wish I could find/make this image, because it (in my mind) shows the left brain/right brain work in writing poetry.  It would be a young woman in profile, writing with her left hand, which is towards the camera.  The pen is angled with top to the right, and extends up to her shoulder and is shaped like a funnel.  Going into the funnel are a thousand beautiful pictures.  The pictures would be swirled together and in vibrant color, but everything else would be black and white, especially the black words on white paper.

pps.  I think Ethan is functions more often in his left brain and Carol in her right brain.  They complement each other well.