Five Keys to Living Abundantly

I wrote this article for the Inspirational Women's Magazine.

Five Keys to Living Abundantly

by Julia Bernards

Many people don’t even consider the possibility of abundance.  The law of scarcity so permeates culture that what many hope for is to have “enough;” the luxury of abundance seems beyond reach.   And it isn’t just economic abundance that eludes us; it is an abundance of love, beauty, time, kindness, energy, etc.  We are indoctrinated with the idea that there is only so much of these to go around, and all we can hope for is enough to get by on.  But that isn’t true—abundance is all around us, and can be ever-present in our lives, if only we choose it.

Here is how:

1.  Have an Attitude of Abundance.  Wayne Dyer said: “abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into.[i]”  Abundance is all around us, but we must “tune in.”  A Zulu proverb points out: “Abundance does not spread; famine does.”  In other words, abundance is already all around us—it is the reality.  But scarcity can spread by the mentality we choose.   With an attitude of abundance, we see truly and fully what we have.  We focus on what is rather than what is not.

2.  Anticipate Abundance.  “The world is full of abundance and opportunity,” said Ben Sweetland, “ but far too many people come to the fountain of life with . . . a teaspoon instead of a tankard. They expect little and as a result they get little.”  Having your heart and mind ready and open for abundance will invite it in.  Kathy Gates encouraged: “You can’t predict, you can prepare. Experience the power of making decisions based on security instead of worry, readiness instead of reluctance, abundance instead of lack.”  We can experience the power of abundance when we anticipate abundance.

3.  Appreciate Abundance.  Gratitude and abundance go hand in hand.  “Gratitude is the open door to abundance.” Epicurus said: “Not what we have but what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance.”  The more we appreciate what is all around us, the more abundantly we will live.  And with an appreciative heart, we invite more abundance.  “Whatever we are waiting for – peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance – it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart, ” said Sarah Ban Breathnach.

4.  Apply Abundance.  When you are tuned in to the abundance in your life, you are happy to share it, and you rejoice in, rather than envy, others’ abundance.  Sharing willingly is a powerful deterrent to the mentality of scarcity.  As long as we have something to share, we have an abundance.  Applying abundance means putting the abundance in your life to use.  In the Bible we are taught[ii]: “Give and it will be given to you.  A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over.  . . For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”  When we use the measure of abundance in blessing others, we find that the abundance has only multiplied.  As Buddha said: “Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”

5. Abide in Abundance.  Continuing in the attitude, anticipation, appreciation and application of abundance can be a challenge, especially as the mentality of scarcity rages like a disease around us.  Being constantly mindful of the thoughts you allow to permeate your life is necessary to abide in abundance.  Edith Armstrong said it well with this analogy: “I keep the telephone of my mind open to peace, harmony, health, love and abundance. Then whenever doubt, anxiety, or fear try to call me, they keep getting a busy signal and soon they’ll forget my number.”  When we actively focus our minds on abundance, those thought patterns will become part of us, and we will abide in abundance.

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[i] I am grateful for so many quotes on abundance found on http://www.abundancetapestry.com/

[ii] Many words of wisdom regarding giving, sharing and generosity can be found at www.tentmaker.org

  

Consistent and Reliable

General Conference was wonderful, and I was grateful for the Spirit and the things I learned.

One of my important take-aways is that it is time for me to learn to be consistent and reliable.  Yikes.  Self-control and self-discipline are virtues I have never practiced enough to feel very good at.  The thought of being really consistent and reliable feels like having blinders put on, or being corralled into a very tight space. It isn't all that pleasant.  However, I believe that if I was to get myself to the point of being consistent and reliable, I would like and appreciate it.  

So right now, I am in the stage of "praying to want to," as my mom taught me to do.  She once drew me as a wild horse (and she was the harried handler); I still have something of the wild horse in me, I think.  Rules and schedules and consistency scare me sort of like eternity does--my mind does not yet fathom how it can all work.  Life is so capricious!  How can I be consistent in the face of the wild wind or surging sea?  It will take stronger stuff than that of which I am now made, I think.  Justification and rationalization have been more my style.

A while back, we visited the Oquirrh Mountain temple.  It is surrounded by a beautiful community called "Daybreak."  It is heavenly.  The roads radiate out from the temple like spokes of a wheel, the houses are all handsomely architected (with nary a street-facing garage among them), the lawns are perfect, the green spaces (along roads) are beautifully maintained and inviting, and there is a lake and there are play structures everywhere, all schools are within walking distance, there is the most amazingly beautiful spirit about the place and. . . wow.  It was so appealing I thought moving to Utah permanently might be a possibility.  

While we were there, I spoke with a woman at the lake and asked if she lived there.  She said she didn't, but  she brought her kids there from a ways away, because it was such a wonderful place to be.  She said they'd thought about buying a home there, but she figured there must be sooo many neighborhood ordinances that she just wouldn't be able to manage it.  I totally understood.  Keeping an immaculate yard and house are not something I really do.  Moving into a place that forced me to do it would be uncomfortable.  It made me think, though, that heaven must be the same way.  The more "ordinances" you are willing to keep, the nicer your heavenly neighborhood, because you live with people who also keep those ordinances.   The laws you are willing to abide by determines where you feel comfortable living, and what sort of a place that is.

With that thought, learning to be consistent and reliable seems even more important.  What will I miss out on in the next life if I don't learn to be consistent here?

Next, I need to figure out what is most important to me, so I can work on really being consistent and reliable in those things.  Sam gave me a worksheet for creating a personal constitution.  I think that would be a good start.  

I also, like I said, need help understand how.  Perhaps that will be clarified with the "what," but I don't know.  Anyway, that is where I am for now.

Pieces of Heaven

Our three months in Utah is drawing to a close, and I must say, it has been wonderful.  The neighborhood and ward have been wonderful.  Homeschooling is a delight.  The parks and libraries and museums and historical and church sites and mountains and so many things are just excellent.  Seeing family we haven't seen for quite a while and visiting friends, too, has been great.  This time has been very happy.

Yesterday, the kids were antsy and asking to go to the park.  I needed to finish up a few more things, and put them off for a while, but finally agreed that they could go if they all went together, and I would follow soon.  A few minutes later, when I walked down to the park, it was like walking into a beautiful,  heavenly dream.

To get to the park, we walk down into a gulley/valley, where all the colors are now turning with fall.  Then you cross a foot bridge over a creek and come out onto an emerald green lawn, dappled golden with falling leaves.  The autumn sun was warm and mellow, the smells of wood chips and sweet, old leaves was in the air, and there, across the lawn, were my four children happily playing, enjoying the day and the pleasures of childhood.

It was a moment I never want to forget.  There was such a feeling of contentment and joy; I just stood and savored it.  What a beautiful life I have.  What a gift to have these four wonderful children, and to be able to enjoy them every day.  What deliciousness of day, what loveliness of light was there to behold.  Entwining my life with my children's has been so sweet.  I feel like I get to enjoy childhood all over again, and become as a child.  I relish the opportunity.

Tomorrow, we will pack up and Thursday, if all goes well, we will start the journey home.  This has been an enchanted time, and I know that like all enchantments, this one must come to an end.  Still, it has been so pleasant that I can't help hoping for another sort of enchantment in the days ahead.  Winter is coming, and we will be back in Bentonville with it's attendant "real life."  Nevertheless, I hope for the magic of quiet winter days, snuggled cozy and content.  I hope for a continuation of the joy of homeschooling.  I hope for beauty and love and learning and laughter and life.

Lost in time and space

I went to my parent's house last weekend, without Sam or the kids, for Grandpa Charlie's 90th birthday. At my request, Mom, Sarah and I began to organize, scan and label photographs and slides.  There are thousands.  Dad was (and is) a prolific photographer.  And as I sat there, surrounded by the past, my mind became unstuck in time.  My perspective was no longer linear.  It was like being in an airplane and seeing a whole city laid out below, rather than driving a car down one street.  I saw back for a hundred years, through photographs.  I mistook my sister Sarah, with baby Charlie, for Dorothea, all grown up, with a baby of her own.  It was strange and normal, all at once.  It was beautiful.

One of the most touching parts about being unstuck in time was that I had Dad back for a while.  He was there in the photographs, but also present with me.  During Sacrament meeting on Sunday I sat next to him and rested my head on his shoulder, as I did innumerable times as a girl and young woman.  The feeling of the material of his suit against my cheek, the slant and slightness of his shoulder, and even his laying his head briefly against the top of mine all transcended a particular moment and brought me into contact with him as he was, again.  Monday morning, a lady from SaraCare came to pick Dad up, and as they backed out of the driveway I followed, waving and blowing kisses until he was out of sight, just as I did every time he drove away from home in my childhood.  It was another moment of connection, of transcending time, of perceiving outside of time.

Now I miss him.  I'm not sure I did fully, before.   College, marriage, and moving out of state, had distanced me from him enough that by the time Alzheimers started affecting cognitive changes, his presence wasn't really a pattern in my brain, any more.  But this weekend, that changed.  He came back to me.  And now there is a dull ache in my heart and an emptiness.

Yesterday, Sam and the kids and I had dinner with some of Sam's colleagues.  The husband shared something with us that he had learned from his father--speed ball boxing--before his father died.  It was impressive and thrilling to watch, and I could see his love for his father as he did it. (Watch the last 15 seconds).  I had spoken with him about Dad a little, and when I commented how wonderful it was that he had something from his Dad, and I wish I did, he said pointed out that I, too, could "put beautiful things on a table," as I'd told him Dad had.  I will.

What I want to have of Dad's:
Gentleness
Genuine interest in and love for people
A positive attitude
Patience
Testimony
Good habits of journaling and scripture reading
Revelation
Purity of Spirit

And here are some of Dad's pictures:

Homeschooling Resources

I keep thinking I've reached a point of logical ignorance on finding new homeschooling resources.  I can't find time to use most of the resources I have.  But, I did just find another excellent one.  I'm glad to know other moms are doing Montessori at home, and without buying all the expensive factory-made material.  This is excellent.  And so is this!

Structure and Flexibility

We have started homeschooling, and for the most part, it is going well.  I love the flexibility of homeschooling.  I love the lower-stress environment which I can create for the kids and myself.  I love being with the kids during the day and getting to be totally involved in their schooling and curriculum/subject choices.
On the other hand, the thought of managing to cover every point of information that they ought to learn, and doing so in a meaningful way, such that they actually learn and are able to use and apply it is overwhelming.  The thought of lesson plans makes me nervous.  It is not that I don't have faith that I can do it.  It is just that I don't have much faith that I will do it.  Some subjects are not a problem that way.  Musical instruments are great, because I can help the kids practice at a moments' notice.  They have a work book for vocab and spelling that I really like.  Latin is fun.  History is all set.  PE is no problem.  Math is a breeze.  Art is a go.  Logic workbooks are at the ready. So what is stressing me out?  Language Art (which seems so ironic, because that is what I love best!) and Foreign language (is Latin right for the girls?  What about Spanish?) and assessments, writing assignments, etc.

Hmm, so apparently what is most stressing me out is the subjects in which I feel I have the most to offer. Interesting.  Is it because I can't bear to just get some curriculum and use it--I feel like I have to produce it myself?  Or is it because my expectations for the kids on that front are so high?  Whatever it is, this feeling of worry that the kids won't get everything they could or should get has been weighing on me.  Other home school moms would tell me not to worry, I know.  I have been trying to face it an deal with it.  So far, that has led to several things:
1. Looking at enrolling the kids in an online "virtual academy." http://www.k12.com/arva (and going so far as to start the application process)
2. Researching what makes teaching / learning effective.
3. Questioning why I am doing home school.
4. Recognizing that I need to step it up.  Yikes. This gets us to the topic of flexibility/structure.

How do you do that?  Be both flexible and structured, I mean?  In my former life (pre-kids) I was great at structure.  I thrived on structure.  I embraced it.  I think I still do/would.  Except that having kids taught me (read forced me) to be flexible.  That is a good thing, though.  I am grateful for the ability to be more flexible.  It is a good life skill.  However, somehow, somewhere along the way, flexible turned into something more like chaotic.  Or just, unstructured?

I am overstating things, actually.  Our family is not chaotic.  We definitely have some structure.  People are not constantly confused about what is going on.  We have breakfast, lunch and dinner.  We have morning and evening prayers, and family scripture study every day.  Dad goes to work, mom stays home.  We clean up the dishes after we use them.  We go to bed at consistent times (or the kids do, at least.) On Saturdays we clean the house and the kids take baths and we do something fun as a family.  On Sundays we go to church (we are even getting better at being on time) and engage in quiet family activities, including Family Home Evening part A.  Monday nights is Family Home Evening part B.  We do all those things quite consistently, except for when we don't.  The "don't" is the exception rather than the rule, but it exists nonetheless.

But even for all that, there is a lot of unstructured time.  Homeschooling is part of that time.  I have attempted to structure the homeschooling time.  I have a great excel spreadsheet print out that we refer to constantly from 8am to 2pm. It is currently under renovation, though.

So, now we come to the real issue: me.  The kids are always up by 7am, and ready for breakfast, family scripture study, and heading out for a walk.  I, however, am not.  This morning I got out of bed at 9am.  (Granted, that is very rare--it is usually more like 7am for me, too.)  And the reason for that anomaly is that I stayed up far, far too late for two nights in a row, worrying about home school stuff.  Ironic.  Anyway, this all has led to my understanding that in order for all this to work satisfactorily, I need to step it up.  That means I need to have more self-control (and head to bed by 9pm instead of 11:30) and be more accountable.  I need to live a higher law. I need to do things that make me nervous (like lesson plans.)

This is all very good for me.  Having to keep myself to a schedule and be disciplined without some outside influence bearing down on me requires a whole new level of growth.  I'm not good at it.  And you throw the necessity of flexibility in there, too, and WHEW, this is uncomfortable.  I believe I can do it, though.  I think I can, I think I can.  Getting to do home school inspires me to step it up, so I can make it work.  I want it to work.  I'm loving it, generally.  Whew.

So, it has been good to write.  Here is what I just learned:
1. I am most stressed by the subjects I love most.
2. I'm not doing too badly.  I haven't failed.  There is structure in place, and light ahead
3. I'll keep working on this, engage the children in the process, and enjoy the journey.

The kids are watching Planet Earth right now.  There are so many resources readily available for an excellent education.  I can do this!

Centered

Here
I am
sitting still,
while all the time
swinging sattelites
in an intricate dance
around and around
kids are laughing
Sam joins in
I am
here.


What makes being a mother the most important work in the world?
My work is to improve myself--not numbers, outputs, or processes.  The very measure of my success is in the changing of myself from disorder to order, from dark to light, from ignorance to knowledge, from pride to gentle kindness.  I must do this, so that the generations that follow will also be improved.  Each mother is a step forward (or back) for the next generation.  My work is the work of eternity.