Bemusedly amused

The week before Thanksgiving, our new Bentonville out-door ice skating rink opened, and all the school children (at Baker, at least) were invited to go for a free skate.  The weather here has been between the 50s and 60s often, and Ethan has continued to wear shorts to school, despite my pointing out that he might be cold.  He wore shorts on the day for ice skating, not thinking about the logistics of ice skating, of course, and his teacher pulled him aside and asked where his long pants were.  Somewhere in the conversation she got the idea that he didn't have any long pants, though he denies vehemently that that is what he communicated.  I got a call that afternoon from the school letting me know that there had been a clothes drive, and clothes were available for Ethan if he needed some.  I laughed about it, and thanked the caller very much, but assured her Ethan was fine, and it was his personal preference to wear shorts, not because he had no pants.

Yesterday, Ethan brought home two bags of beautiful winter clothes.  Long pants and long sleeved shirts and such.  They were in excellent condition and name-brand.  Ethan told me his teacher made him take them home, even though he said he didn't need them.  And so I am bemusedly amused.  It was very kind of the school to think of us.  They know of Isaac's significant medical needs/expenses and have watched my kids come to school looking less-well-cared-for than they ought to, I suppose.  I am grateful for the thoughtfulness, and the community that looks out for those in need.  The trouble is that I don't feel like I am in need.  In fact, I have lately been finding ways to sponsor others who are in need of time or money. Should I accept the help of the school when I am perfectly able to clothe my children, (I have provided the clothes, though it is up to them to wear them), but have chosen to spend my time and money otherwise (than on getting name brand things and making sure they are worn)?

I guess, as I think about it, that we all have something to give, and it is good to give what we have to give and accept graciously what others have to share.  I am not great at getting beautiful name brand things for my kids.  I figure second hand is just fine, and brands really don't matter.  I can accept the kindness of others in sharing nice clothes with my kids, and be grateful that they will have them.  We have been blessed with a good financial situation now, but not much extra time, so I can happily give money to others who are willing to share their time to help us (like Dixie and the tree-trimmers and lawn care people who recently transformed my yard.)  As part of a community there is give and take, and it is good to be part of the cycle, and not only on one end.  Receiving keeps me humble and grateful.  So, I guess I will keep the clothes.  Someday we will probably pass them on to others, too, and I will be grateful to have nice things to share.

;-)

My Dark Muse

Things have been looking up recently.  I feel like I am functioning at a higher level, and doing more of the daily tasks that are part of this domestic goddess gig.  Last week I had dinner made each night before the kids got home from school, so I would be able to focus on them while they were here.  And, the dinners were mostly new recipes--Thai, Indian, Moroccan.  Yummy stuff that I couldn't wait to make and eat and which required ingredients that were not a normal part of my list (fresh ginger root! eggplant! lentils and chickpeas, and garam masala).  Also, Sam and I got in more focused time to talk and learn and relate to each other.  It was good to reestablish connections and spend time on what is most important.

There are still bumps in the road.  Dorothea was 15 minutes late to ballet because my mind was elsewhere, and I didn't get in as much exercise as I'd have liked.  And this week, instead of making more fabulous recipes that I have gotten ingredients for, we've been eating the left overs of last week's meals.  Still, I feel slow, steady progress.

I noticed also that with my brighter outlook, increased energy and general increase in functioning, I haven't been feeling the need/desire to write as much.  This is not surprising.  Darkness of spirit has always seemed to inspire me to greater introspection and insight.  I think that is the way with many artists, too.  What is it about darkness that inspires?  Or is it a need to find something in the darkness, despite the darkness?  To discover or create light or meaning in the darkness?  There is certainly a poignancy of feeling that accompanies a subdued spirit which seems to bring sharpness and gravity to the living of life.  Little things become more meaningful, symbolic of the vastness that is within and without.  I have wondered if it is, in part, to give me time to be poetic and to see more, that the Lord has given me depression.  Only in the darkness do we see the stars and sense the enormity of space.  In the light, we tend to focus our own little world, living shallowly, one day at a time.

So, I am grateful for increased function.  I hope that continues and progresses.  There is so much I would like to accomplish in my one little day of life, with my children, for myself, for our family.  I am also aware, though, how this increased energy and function has had me bustling about dawn to dusk and longer, with little time for contemplation or appreciation.  I am striving for balance.