Zoloft

I think taking zoloft for me has been like taking tylenol.  Before, my brain/emotions were such that I was constantly in emotional pain.  Little things pained me, like not getting "everything" done, or being late to something (inconsequential) or having little aspects of my day not come together as I'd imagined.  It was hard because I knew cognitively that those things were not important, and there wasn't a cause for sorrow or anguish or major frustration, but I felt those things nonetheless.  It was like I couldn't get my feelings to correspond to my cognitive understandings.  My feelings were so very poignant (painfully so) about even the least little things.  It made it hard to function--being in almost constant emotional pain.  It was like trying to function with chronic physical pain--it was debilitating.

Zoloft has been like taking tylenol.  It eases the pain noticeably.  For the first time in as long as I can remember I feel like my feelings match my cognitive understandings.  Like tylenol, it dulls the pain without dulling my brain or my other senses.  Zoloft isn't like a heavy-duty narcotic pain-killer, for me at least.  I feel more myself, more able to function, happier, healthier, more normal.  I feel more like myself than ever, because my feelings and thoughts match.  It is wonderful and I am so very grateful for it!

Arranged

Just watched the movie "Arranged" on netflix and really enjoyed it.  I wished I could be friends with Rochel and Nasira and appreciated the beauty of culture and religion that provides a structure in which we are safe.  The devil has perverted our society in so many ways now that some of the most soul-killing things are mainstream and expected.  We are expected to hurt ourselves and be happy about it.  It is sad and wrong.  There is more and more tolerance for all the evil, but less and less tolerance for the commandments/structure/rules that would keep us safe.

I am so grateful for the commandments which have kept me safe.  Life is difficult and I'm afraid I'd have been blown away if not for the firm foundation on which I'm built.  It was hard to keep going even with the foundation.   Luckily, because of that foundation, I was able to see where the wind was blowing me hardest--where it was coming in at the chinks, buffeting the walls and roof, etc.  I could see where I needed reinforcement, and I got it. Now I feel better than I ever have before.  My testimony of the strength and importance of the foundation is deeper and stronger.  My house is sturdier and more comfortable.  My life is happy.

Fasting

Today
I hungered
and felt the strength
of weakness.

Empty, I actuated
the dichotomy
of my soul's duality,
and determined (divined)
dominion;
my body lay languid
while my spirit lept, liberated.

Here is the power
to transcend the temporal,
to divine the divine,
to find strength
at its source,
sweet and
solid (sound, satisfying).

In the quietude
of honored hunger
the gentle vibrations of spirit
sing freely!