In my Sophomore year of college, while I was away on a study abroad, I came across a phrase that surprised me and made me a little incredulous. It was in the home of a family with many well-trained children, wherein the gospel was taught and lived. The phrase was "Exhaustion is not a prerequisite for exaltation."
"But surely it is!" I thought. "We must wear ourselves out in doing good and dedicate all to building the kingdom of heaven. We must cross the finish line huffing and puffing, having never let up in our efforts for a moment." The phrase stayed with me and I continued to ponder on it, coming as it did from a source that seemed to know more than I did.
Today I read in C.S. Lewis's collection of the writings of George MacDonald: "Work is not always required of a man. There is such a thing as a sacred idleness, the cultivation of which is now fearfully neglected."
I like both phrasings of this idea. It is an idea that I gained a testimony of but have had a very hard time putting into practice. There is time for work. There is time for play. There must be also time for stillness.
Exhaustion does not lead to exaltation any more than late nights lead to good choices. George MacDonald said "No one can deny the power of the wearied body to paralyze the soul. . .The cessation of labor affords but the necessary occasion [for sleep]; makes it possible, as it were, for the occupant of an outlying station in the wilderness to return to his Father's house for fresh supplies. . . The child-soul goes home at night, and returns in the morning to the labors of the school."
I believe in the necessity of sleep, too, for soul renewal, and more, I know of the need for a time of quiet in the day. Carving out a place in the fast flow of my life for daily, studied stillness has not happened lately, and I have suffered for it. Even Sundays seem to stream by with a rapid succession of responsibilities, rather than restful relief.
So, I am gratefully, greatly enjoying my time for stillness this morning. Dorothea and Isaac are at "Creation Corner," the Mother's Day Out program put on by a local church, and I have had a blissful morning of reading, praying, pondering, and being still. I feel like I have found the shore, and can begin to get to my feet after being hurled down the rapids for months on end. I have left many blessings behind, passed by because I did not pause to slow down and take them, I'm afraid. I am very sorry for it, and earnestly desire to do better.
At the beginning of this year I reminded myself that receiving daily revelation from the Lord, and doing it, is as important as it was for the nurses in the NICU who cared for Isaac to take daily note of the changes/additions the doctor made on his rounds, and do them. If they had listened to him and done what he asked only occasionally, Isaac would not have made progress, and could well have been gravely impacted, even killed by the lack of vigilance. Yet I feel I have gone months without making time to listen well and do. Likely my failure to do so contributed to months of depression. If I had continued to listen and obey, even though life was hectic (for the Lord never asks more than we can do), rather than excusing myself, doubtless I'd have been happier, and not so much of a burden to others. I have much, much to learn. Will I learn it? Will I do it? I will commit myself today, again, and pray for forgiveness. I will be still and listen. I will go and do. I believe it is not too late to try again.
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This post starts with such a beautiful message! I love that - exhaustion is not a prerequisite for exaltation. Perhaps I should cross stitch that for you :) I confess, though that I was saddened because I feel like it ends in the self-flagellation that so worries me about you, Julia. You are marvelous! You have been doing the best you can, and struggling with a lot! You CANNOT beat yourself up for not being perfect, or you will a) have a miserable life, and b) be denying the power of the atonement.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who does not get revelation all the time, I have to add that I think our relationship with God is somewhat different from a doctor's relationship with a nurse. Despite New Testament analogies, I also think it is different from a master's relationship to his servant. I believe it is much more like a parent with a child. A servant receives orders for the day, but I don't think that's the healthiest way to teach a child. There are of course specific things that a parent will require a child to do. However, in many areas, Parents are more like "consultants" - supporting children's own decision making capabilities, and helping them to find ways to achieve the goals they themselves have made. I think this is how God interacts with us (or at least, that has been my experience). He is not a micromanager. We should of course be seeking and heeding His input, but at the end of the day, He asks us to make our own decisions.
Stillness--I'm enjoying some right now, as Polly naps, but I know that as soon as Baby #2 comes, that built-in stillness will probably be gone. So this is something I need to think about now, to prepare for the advent of multiple children! I'm so glad you've found and made this time for stillness--I hope it is a regular thing? I know many a mother here in Morgantown who have blessed the beginning of the school year because (1) their children were fighting constantly by the end of the summer, and (2) they can finally get to their work of creating order in their homes at the beginning of a new season.
ReplyDeleteBy the way--and on a totally unrelated note--someone said something in their testimony this past Sunday (we had Fast Sunday this past week). She said that in her experience, the Lord occasionally *does* give her more than she can handle (pause while everyone looked up and registered what she was saying) alone. It reminds me of a very humorous, potentially disastrous situation I was in once in which I was trying to take my harp up a very long escalator out of the DC metro (it would take too long to explain why the harp was on the metro to begin with). Too late, I realized that the base of the harp was bigger than the width of the escalator step. That meant that as the step rose up, it pushed the whole base of the harp back on me. I was in high heels, precarious footing, and just barely balancing my weight with the harp's (if I'd been as small as you, I would have tumbled down completely). I knew that I couldn't hold on much longer, so I said an audible, desperate, brief prayer, and then called up to the next person on the escalator, about 15 steps above me. He immediately ran back down and held the harp from the other side, helping me to balance it until we got to the top. What blessed relief! But there's NO way I could have done it alone. Stupid, stupid thing to do...