Mother's Retreat Journal Entry Week #5

How can I praise, honor and worship Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ by letting my light shine?

This seems like a leading/obvious question to me.  Because it seems like they are one and the same.  The Lord is my light.

I think my personal ways of expressing that light are through writing (anymore?), dancing (anymore?), serving others and just being me.  Being my best me as a mother is an important way.  A few days ago when I prayed about my day, the Lord reminded me: “Julia, you are beautiful.  You are trying to do many things.  Do them with grace.  Let your inner light shine.  Be your true self and be happy.  Be true to yourself. You are a daughter of God.  My daughter.  You have exquisite gifts and abilities.  Let them shine.”

Doing things with grace and being true to myself (my testimony, my gentleness of spirit and heart, my love for my family and others) isn’t always easy.  How is it that what I believe is in my heart isn’t what comes out of my mouth? It is like the light that is in me gets warped, somehow, but the natural man and my fallen body.  It is a way to praise and honor the Lord to work harder to be true to the light that is within me.  It is hard, often.  I know correct principles, I mean well, but. . . oh well. 

I had a dream, once:

I dreamed of learning to manipulate matter, to create and recreate, to dissolve and change what was around me.  Sam and I learned together and rejoiced in our new power.  And then, I was mute, and no longer in my training environment.  There were people all around me, sad, and needy.  Silently, I found them, one by one, conceived their trouble, and drew from what was around me to create a gift for them, perfectly suited.  I presented it with a smile and a powerful projection of love.  Each one knew he or she was loved, and was healed!  It was a beautiful dream, a reflection of my heart.
         That dream came to me when I was living in a situation of being misunderstood, resented, and criticized.  How I wanted to be able to give without words, (which were always twisted), and to prove my love and reveal my intentions in a way that could not be misconstrued or marginalized.   I wanted desperately to heal, to bless, to lift and give to the hurting people living around me.  Instead, every action and word brought animosity.  It broke my heart, and the dream was a sweet, sweet balm.