Am I filling my Lamp? Do I shine?
In short, I think I am shortchanging
myself and my family. The Lord gave me a
commission to teach my children social, emotional, physical and spiritual
principles, and through a blessing He reaffirmed that the way for me to do that
is primarily by example. I’m not being a
great example. Or, at least, I could
certainly be better. That starts with me
filling my own Lamp, I think. Taking
time for me—shining. For example, I
think getting to bed on time and sleeping well and exercise and eating well are
super important parts of physical wisdom.
I could do better at all of them.
I think I’m doing okay socially—as a family we are doing more socially
now that we have for the last 3 ½ years.
That is good. Still, I can
support the kids in getting more friend time.
It might also be good to talk about what we are doing socially
more. A lot of the people we are
socializing with are those Sam and I have identified as needing help/support/friendship. Yesterday, Ethan confided in me that he feels
uncomfortable around the Saintelus family—they are refugees from Haiti, and the
single mom of five children is suffering from PTSD, apparently. The state of their home would qualify as
“squalor,” and the kids are not disciplined and consequently a little
wild. They are not at all belligerent or
rude or anything like that. They are
nice kids. They just need more parental
guidance. At first I chided Ethan, but
then realized I really need to validate his feelings. I told him I understood how he could feel
uncomfortable, and not want them to come over (I’ve been watching them a fair
amount as their mom tries to put things together, and they are currently trying
to get rid of bedbugs, which freaks my kids out, as they do NOT want to get
them.) I myself am sometimes uncomfortable, but I also believe that is not a
reason to give up a good cause! Physically, I’d love to do better. Making time to get myself exercise has not
been a forte. Even planning healthy
meals has eluded me and I’ve been flying by the seat of my pants more than
anything else. I sometimes feel like my
brain is spaghetti. I’d like things to
be orderly, and they are not! Self-control (to do things like go to bed and
such) is continually elusive for me. The
balance between flexibility and structure is yet elusive. I tend toward the “flexible” side, because it
is easier. However, what happens when I
need structure isn’t always pretty and involves more yelling/frustration than
anyone needs. Spiritually, of course I
could still improve. I went to the temple
this morning and that was wonderful. It
feels good to be in the temple. Yet my
personal prayers and scripture study are not what they could be. I write “prayer notes” every morning, which
mostly consists of a (hopefully) spiritually guided to-do list for the
day. But the true conversations with God
are not currently happening. I do take
time for the to-do list, so I have time for a conversation. Being in my closet and praying aloud would be
really helpful. Also, scripture study has been different for a while. For a long while I have felt to concentrate
on conference talks (and now the Church published books “Daughters in my
Kingdom.” I feel like both have been
really good spiritually for me. They are
very pertinent and I really enjoy and learn from them. We read the Book of Mormon as a family every
day, so I am getting some of that in. . . ought I to be doing more?
Do I shine? Am I filling my lamp? How can I shine? How
can I best fill my lamp?
First things first. My top priorities first. I have a list in my phone of my top daily
priorities, but I haven’t looked at it in quite a while. When reminders pop up, mostly for self-care
but also for special time with Dorothea, or calling family, I ignore them. How dumb is that? Back to the basics. The things the Lord has asked of me currently
are not more than will fit in my allotted time (they never are, actually.) Things are pretty simple—pretty basic. So back
to the basics and first things first
is important. I’ll get out my phone and
go through my list again and re-commit.
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